escape

Stupid stupid fucking liar me. I said I was over him? Oh yeah? The very next day when I see him in school, all thoughts of my supposedly boyfriend was gone out of my head. Who am I kidding? When can things ever be different now? Or I just hasn’t found someone else who’s suitable yet?

3RD MONTH I’VE BEEN WITHOUT HIS LOVE.  3RD WE’VE BEEN WITHOUT EACH OTHER.

Isit mainly because, with him… It’s LOVE?

some people are easy to get over. they
only take a day or two, but sooner or later
you`ll find the one who has changed
everything about you, and no matter how
hard you try, you can`t find the words to
say goodbye.____________________<3

Okay, so I got attached to Isaac today. Something finally official.

You know it wasn’t official that time with him. He just said to me to chose a date to make it official. What kind of a stupid relationship is that? I guess, to him, I wasn’t good enough for a girlfriend, I wasn’t pretty/hot/cute/thin/tall enough to be a girlfriend that he’s proud of. That I wasn’t the kind of girl he wanna be seen with, not in town, not anywhere. I remmember him sometimes don’t want to hold hands whenever we’re in a public place. What hurts the most, what made me realize how worthless our relationship was to him since he doesn’t even want to ask me officially. Gosh, that hurts.

Thank goodness I’m over that, he’s not worth it, he’ll never be worth it until the day he walks over broken glass to crawl over to me, until the day he BEGS me. And I promise you, someday he will. Hah. Take that. And I know, that somewhere somehow these days, there’s still bits and pieces of feelings for me, and even though I chose to believe that all those things he said last time were lies, he knows the truth about them, I don’t. I can make assumptions, but I’ll never know the truth. And, I know, I can still see in his eyes what it does to him whenever I mention a guy’s name, and from now on, Isaac.

I’m trying to make this work, to see where things will go. I can’t promise him anything at all, the fact is, I can’t see this go beyond 6months. I’m not a pessimistic, I’m just giving it a reality check. Ohwells, at least I’m trying, and I did it out of willingness of course. I know, he’s so much better than him, that’s why I’m trying my best, I’m giving it a chance. (: Wish me all the best yeah. (:

I hope for a good day tomorrow! (:

At some point you have to realize that he doesn’t care, and maybe you’re missing out on someone who does.

A big part of me is glad. It’s glad that I found out about the soccer guys motto, “Cover the face, fuck the base.” It made me think not only twice, but thrice, even alot of times about my past relationship with HIM. It made me think of whether I was played by him or not. That things he does and says or buys for me is just a way to get into my pants. God, what a jerk. However,there’s another small,tiny part of me that says that most of the things he told me in the past was true and he meant it then,and I shouldn’t doubt it then. But, I think I should chose to think that all the things he said to me, he didn’t mean it and that it was just a ploy, a game to him. I should think that so that I’ll think the bad, worse side of him and so that I can move on. And I do. (:

Well, and I swear, from the bottom of my toes and the end roots of my hair, that I’m totally over Phi Tien Dung.

Another bad news today about Abang Shukri. His left hand is to be amputated. Even as I am typing this, the surgery has already been done. The hand has been washed and buried already. I don’t know if my cousin has woken up or not, but I don’t know how he’ll react once he knows his left hand is gone. God, even as I am writing this, I feel so sad. I dunno, I just don’t feel good, and I feel terribly terrible for him. It has been like 5 days since the accident happened, and yet things are getting even worse.

I want to go to the hospital again to see him, but I’m afraid I’ll end up crying instead. Even when I hear about it, I already feel like crying, what if I’m there? I don’t know why the image of seeing him without a hand will saddens me so much. I just know it will.

He’s part of the family, a relative, not very close, but kind of. I’ve joked with him before, and all. The last time I saw him was on the 27th Dec 2008. That time we were just joking around as he borrowed my phone and all. I rmmber him trying to kenalkan me with his friend, Faizal back then like 4 years ago. I can’t continue this. I don’t know what to write. I don’t know if I should go to the hospital to visit him tomorrow.

No matter what, I hope he stays strong despite the challenges ahead, even if he has lost an arm. I wish him my well wishes.

I kinda like posting here. Somehow gives me the freedom that I dont find in other blogs. You know I have afew blogs (okay,2) and an LJ, but I like that this wordpress thing is… you know, kind of private. I guess it wont be anymore once I let the girls know, but other than them, I hope no one else knows this. Cause I believe I want to make it solely mine. A place where I find solace to say the things I wanna say. The only thing thats bugging me using this wordpress? Is the fact that the writing place is soo small. Like, ermmm hello? I have alot of content that needs to be said, and I am not contented with having just a small place to write them in. I know that once its published, its huge, but for now, its like cramping my style, my writing style. Bleah.

Anyway, my phone, my W7610i phone is being sucha bitch. It’s one thing when the USB port doesnt allow me to hear songs, I can live with that, but when it doesn’t allow me to charge my phone when the batt’s flat? Uh-uh, thats a no-no. And its still in a dead position now. How am I supposed to live without a lifeline? Okay, thats an exaggeration. Fsct is, I actually don’t mind living without a phone, at least for a few adys. But anyways, cousin lend me his phone, N80 for at least I sent for phone for repairing and stuffs. I like the phone, except that it’s bulky, and cant be used to talk on the phone. Haha. I was just wondering, what will happen once my phone is okay, will the messages inside be deleted? HIS messages, his 923 messages. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind if its deleted accidentally. Afterall, everything happens for a reason. (:

Ohh btw, I’m sick. AGAIN. Having flu, cough, fever and stuffs. It always happens nowadays. I’m dying or what? Hoho. Anyways, I’m dizzy. Chat with you again aahh innervoice. I love this.

P/S: Now I know how to change the size of the content box! Now I’m contented. (:

Hoho. So now I’ve started on a wordpress site. This is what we no life people do when when there’s nothing else to be done. Seriously, I like the way this site appears. It’s like a private blog, where your thoughts can be publish in any way you want. Of course, within limits. But overall, it gave me a feeling that in here, I can write whatever I want, my thought, my feelings, my views, whatever. And I like that. I like the security it gives me. Kind of like a stable boyfriend who’s always there whenever I need him to be. (:

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